I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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