Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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