The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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