a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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