Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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