I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
