im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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