I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
