Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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