yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
