i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
