I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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