you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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