dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
