last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
