mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
