i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
