took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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