I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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