he puts the penis in happiness.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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