I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
