member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
