I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
