I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im holly from the hills drunk
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
