sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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