And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
