I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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