I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
