it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
