my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
