all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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