Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
