Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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