when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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