i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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