My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
