he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My vagina just clenched in fear
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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