community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
