how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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