thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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