FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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