Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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