I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
