Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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