Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
