I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
