You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
