last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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