I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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