I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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