he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
