I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
