ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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