Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
