I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and she was petting her beer can
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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