Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
