Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
why is half of my head shaved?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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