I wish you could order shots online.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
