im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
