YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
