I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
