I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
being pregnant is like rehab
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
