she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
