Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
